Perhaps Love
by maximuso
Summary: A song fic for Ichiruki lovers. Set post-rescue. What is love, anyway?


This is a song-fic set post-SS, after Rukia returns. The song is 'Perhaps Love' by John Denver and Plocido Domingo. I thought it might be nice and fluffy, for those Ichiruki fans (you know you want to!). Some parts are not exactly realistic, but, hey, this is fan-fiction, not cubism (My first pop culture reference! Go me!).

I don't own Bleach or Perhaps Love. (One of these days...)

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It was three days since Rukia had returned, and Ichigo was feeling much better. In fact, he was feeling great. Not only was he out of the depression he had slumped into, not only had he been given back the desire to fight, not only had he had some extremely good pancakes for diner (alright, we get it!), but one of the people he had been missing with a passion had returned to him, and was sleeping his closet, which had required some more of Rukias' expert acting to get his gutter-minded father to allow the young lady to sleep in his bedroom.

Of course, what had nearly ruined his mood was the means to the end:

"_Ichigo and I are in love!"_

_Ichigos' face took on an expression of terror, as the smaller Shinigami gave her boyfriend a side-on hug, grabbing his left arm and pulling on the stunned teenager to get him a down to her level, illustrating the point to Isshin. "Rukia, what are-"_

_The words " –you talking about?" never came into existence, as Rukia dug her nails into Ichigos arm, silencing him. The expression turned from terror to pain, his eyes, nostrils and lips all doing impressions of a capital 'O'._

_She pulled him down a bit more, and whispered in his ear a single word that was both a command and a threat rolled up into one horrible package. "Smile"._

_The corners of his mouth turned upwards out of self-preservation. Think of an angry gorilla (youtube, people). Think of psychopaths with machine guns. Think of the 'Heres' Johnny' scene from The Shining. Cross their mouths together. Now think of what Ichigos' mouth must have looked like. Rukia kicked her foot back, smiling an equally impressive (and equally fake) smile, and giggled. If not for Ichigos' embarrassment and will to live, he might of burst out laughing at her charade._

_Upon seeing the 'happy' couple, Isshin went into his usual frenzy. After some promises of lots of babies on Rukias' part, and sobbing at how fast his son was growing up, Ichigo and Rukia finally were able to enjoy some peace and quiet. That is, for about three seconds._

"_What the hell?" Ichigos question disrupted the short-lived silence. "Couldn't you tell me you were going to do that? Atleast the last time you threatened me with you 'hand-writing' first..."_

And so on. After Ichigos rant, Rukia would reply with angry offence, then Ichigo would follow with a snappy comment, Kon would jump out from nowhere, make a run for 'Nii-samas', glide majestically through the air, come in contact with a lady-size fist, soared less-than majestically through the air, and found the wall the hard way. The anger in the room diffused, and the two left standing said, as if they were friends for years and years, smiled at each other, and said "Good times" simultaneously.

After an hour or five of chatting about life since the 'Ryoka' left Soul Society, the two were laying in their own beds, chatting through a gap Rukia left in the cupboard, when Rukia brought up a prior part of their conversation; "Hey, do you really believe that about my brother?"

"What?" Confused, Ichigo starred in Rukias' general direction (General Direction, Sir!), not being able to see her completely by the light of the moon coming in through his window.

"What Renji says, you know. How he is uncaring, and has no emotions apart from pride." Ichigo could tell she was being serious, as the tone in her voice had dropped considerably. She was probably sitting up, looking at the window, as was her habit when something was on her minds.

"Nah," responded Ichigo, dropping the tone of his voice to match, "Byakuya's definitely got feelings. I know for a fact that he loves you, if that's what you're worried about. He may not show it, but it's there. I can see it".

This was, Rukia felt, too deep to be Kurosaki Ichigo. However, she let slide the teasing comments, because she was actually enjoying the conversation. And she wanted to know.

"How can you be so sure?"

"It's simple, isn't it" Ichigo replied, matter-of-factly, "if he didn't, would he have saved you on the hill? Besides, he must have feelings. He loved Hisana, you said. The reason he searched for you in the first place was so that he could fulfil his sense of duty to her, right? And he decided not to try and rescue you from that jail place I nearly busted you from because he was guilted into it by his parents." Satisfied by his own uncharacteristic chatter-boxing, he finished up by saying, "Anyway, he has to love you, you're his sister, in there must be a rule in the noble guidebook that says 'Love thy family' or something"

His imitation of Ghandi rewarded him a rare giggle from the not-so-feminine girl. It seemed to fill the silence for a few seconds after, and resounded a few seconds after that. However, after about half a minute of silence, serious thinking had set back into the darkened room. Rukia piped up with a clearly existential question.

"Hey, Ichigo, I was wondering, what is love, exactly?"

"What do you mean? Haven't you ever been in love?"

"Well, yeah, I have, but I'm still not sure what it is. I remember it being a kind of dizzying, fuzzy feeling, but it was so long ago, and love as a Shinigami is rare, because we have much more time for it, and some people don't even bother with love, and just concentrate on their jobs or something. Is this the same for humans?"

Ichigo addressed the answer to the roof, "Well, yeah, but on a smaller scale. I guess we don't have as long to live as you do, so we get pressured into love, as if we might die alone." Wherever Rukias' thoughts were taking her, they were derailed now. Not only did he say _it_, but it was he that said it... " I haven't really had any kind of relationship, so I don't really know either. By the way, who were you in a relationship with?"

He looked back over to his friend, who hadn't answered him. It was clear she wasn't listening, but surely she wasn't asleep? He could see her figure outlined in the moonlight, and if he strained his eyes, he could see her shaking. _Are those tears?_

"Hey," he called over to his friend, "are you alright?"

She turned her gaze away from the her sheets, and looked towards Ichigo, calling back "I'm fine." Ichigo recognised from the quiver in her voice that she was, in fact, crying.

Removing the obstructing sheets from his legs, he walked over to her, sitting by her side in the cupboard. "Liar", he said, jokingly. Sensing his own harsh tone, he asked, "What is it?"

She hesitated, but answered, "I think I once loved Kaien Shiba."

"You didn't tell him?" he asked, oblivious to the Shiba surname.

"No! Definitely not!" She calmed herself before continuing. "He was married and he was my teacher. I don't think it would have worked out very well in the end. I didn't think I should, and then..."

She started crying again. Ichigo allowed her to cry for a moment, let her get it out. Then, just curious enough to let it get the better of him, started asking "Just what happened-

"I killed him!" Ichigo sat there, stunned. She elaborated, remorsefully "A hollow somehow ended up inside him, and managed to take control of his body. He lunged at me, I had my sword drawn, and then Kaien, my mentor, my friend, the man I loved..." she paused, tears flowing full down her face. "He fell on my sword! He was run through by me! He died by my hand! And he thanked me for it! And so did his sister! And now your here, and you look exactly like him, so everyday I'm reminded of how I murdered my best friend!"

This time, she took a look at Ichigo, saw nothing but the black and white silhouette of Kaien, and broke down completely, sobbing loudly, her head hanging from her neck, her hair clawed at by her hands. Ichigo cradled her head into his shoulder, offering some support in what was definitely a bad memory for her. "Easy now, easy, it's okay" he muttered into her ears, going through the motions of soothing someone grieving.

After a few minutes, Ichigo decided it was too cramped in the closet, picked up the frame of Rukia, and placed her on his bed, where she curled up into a ball. He heard no objections, for Rukia spent her energy emotionally, and was barely aware of anything anyways, with thoughts of her ebony lieutenant circling through her head.

Ichigo stood by the window, watching the moon. For a while, he actually put off thinking, and concentrated on the white light emanating from the radiant body, high in the sky. It certainly was a majestic sight, and it made Ichigo remember a random metaphor he learn in class; 'The moon is a balloon'. It was big, round, and had always helped him take his mind off stressful situations. Maybe you could reach out and grab it, and give it to a friend. That would cheer them up._ Rukia helps me when I'm down, so how 'bout lending her the moon?_

Ichigo left his spot by the window, and sat on his own bed, this time with his back to Rukia. He keeps his eyes on the moon, as if channelling something through concentrating on it...

"I'm sorry, Ichigo. I just get a bit emotional sometimes when I think about him." This came as a shock to Ichigo, not because of the soft way it was delivered, or the content of the words, or how she might have sounded much better after getting this all out, but because it came half an hour after she lay on his bed. He honestly thought she was asleep.

"You know, being in love is a good place to be, I think. I see couples, and I'll laugh at them, being silly, calling each other by their dumb pet-names. But now I think of it, they are just so in the moment. They have each other. Is that what love is? Having one another? Is that all it is?"

"No," says Rukia, finding herself back a more comfortable topic, "I know Orihime, Chad, Ishida, Yoruichi, even Kon will be there for me, and I don't really _love_ them. It's something deeper, something more special, it's not having someone, but having something for you to share, aswell."

She did, by chance, see the moon from the corner of her eye. Tonight, it looked less cold and foreign to her than it had before. It was full, and, if you squinted, you might fool yourself into seeing the faces of your friends. You just had to tilt your head, and think...

"Perhaps..."

(Cue Music!)

"I don't know," Rukia admitted out loud. "But, you know, if you had to liken it to something... maybe love is... what it really means to be in love..." and her thoughts were lost to the moon, as faces appeared in and out... Renji, Kon, Orihime, Ishida, Chad, Ukitake, Byakuya, Tatsuki, Senna, Kaien, Ichigo...

Rukias' mind wandered to the Kurosaki household. It was always there, a spare wardrobe for the Shinigami in need. She was always well fed, looked after, and cared for, and, in comparison to the streets of Rukongai, this was home. She loves this place, and everyone in remembers other times she felt this warmth. Whenever Byakuya was around recently, she felt warm and comforted and _safe_.

As if sensing her thoughts, the moon displayed Byakuya, Orihime, Renji, and Kaien, people she felt safe with. But there was someone missing, someone who had saved her, was saving her, would save her forever. Who was he?

"Perhaps love is like a resting place,  
A shelter from the storm.  
It exists to give you comfort,  
It is there to keep you warm.  
And in those times of trouble,  
When you are most alone,  
The memory of love will bring you home."

This sounded right to Ichigo. But there was more, he thought. Love had a way of grabbing you, he had seen it many times. It was like love calls for you, temping you to come closer, like the proverbial doorway leading to the future. At that moment, the moon shone brighter, and Ichigo stood up to stand by the window. How many times had he been drawn to that window? Who else was it that drew him closer?

To this, the moon showed him pictures of Tatsuki, Ishida, Chad and Yoruichi. They had all invited him to be more than what he already was. But there was someone important missing from the picture, as if someone who challenged him every day was not there.

"Perhaps love is like a window,  
Perhaps an open door.  
It invites you to come closer,  
It wants to show you more.  
And even if you lose yourself,  
And don't know what to do,  
The memory of love will see you through."

Rukia though back to some others she knew that were in love. The first person was Hinamori, who would stare into the sky, thinking of love.  
"Oh, Love to some is like a cloud,"

She then recalled how her brother felt for Hisana.  
"To some as strong as steel,"

She thought of Mizuiro, who had at least a thousand girlfriends.  
"For some a way of living,"

And of Kon, who would light up every time he saw her.  
"For some a way to feel."

Ichigo thought of the people he saw on Soukuyu hill. The first was of Gin, and what he said to Matsumoto, and what she had to do to save herself.

"And some say love is holding on,  
And some say letting go."

Rukia remembered a lopsided conversation she had once with Inoue, where Orihime had said.  
"And some say love is everything!"

Then she remembered her response.  
"And some say they don't know..."

She thinks of Kaien, and places his image on the moon. In the memories they made together, she feels both comfort and loss. It was nearly unbearable to remember, but she just couldn't live while blocking out the happy memories.

"Perhaps love is like the ocean,  
Full of conflict, full of pain.  
Like a fire when it's cold outside,  
Thunder when it rains."

And suddenly, the stars were alive with all her other loved memories. There they were, telling her life story, making sure she could find her way back to happier times. As the images got clearer, and newer memories formed, the image of the face on the moon had colour added to it, and she saw that it wasn't Kaien. He was up there, close to the moon, but it wasn't him looking down on her.

It was Ichigo.

Then the stars were urging her forwards, to take action. They changed, and suddenly, she was looking at the time they stood on the grassy plain, and there he was, letting her go. She loved that moment. She loved the memories that he made possible, by introducing her to his school friends, by attempting to rescue her from her prison, by saving her from death, from letting her go...

...and she loved him.

She had to take action, or lose the moment forever. She swallowed her inhibitions, and stood by Ichigos' left side. She tugged at his left arm, resting on the windowsill, with her left arm, gaining his attention, looked into his eyes, blushed, and took a chance on love.

"If I should live forever,  
And all my dreams come true,  
My memories of love will be of _you_."

This made Ichigos' eyes go wide. He felt like he had just been slapped by a warm fur coat. Sure, the impact is there, there is some weight behind it, but you still just feel warm and fuzzy. But even though he now knew that he was loved, and it was a good feeling, he still didn't feel quite right.

He had thought he had left his feelings for her back in Soul Society. But he wanted to keep these feelings, because, well, love was _love_.

"And some say love is holding on..."

He then remembered why he let go of his feelings. She had decided to stay _where she belonged_. If to be happy, she had to stay there, then she had to stay. He couldn't stand for her to be unhappy.

"And some say letting go..."

Rukia wanted to be here, now, though, because that was what really mattered. _Love matters._

"And some say love is everything!"

But Ichigo was too confused by it all. She was a Shinigami, a noble, his best friend, and they were two worlds apart. But maybe if he did love her, if that was what this feeling was, then maybe it could work. _Love works._ Why did it all have to be so hard?

"And some say they don't know!"

With this, he shrugged off her hand and stared at the ground. Rukia was heartbroken. She couldn't bear to be rejected in such a way. She had feelings for him, and he could just brush them off like that? How could she love him? But she did. _Love bites!_

She rushed over to the bed, kneeled in front of it, and started crying into Ichigos' sheets. And yet the moon glowed, and shined his face. _Damnit!_

It was Ichigos' turn to lament the pangs of despised love. He watched her move over his bed, and she dropped down, next to where he had previously sat. He would give anything to go over and comfort her, but he had just revoked that right of his. Why did love have to be so conflicting? He whispered to the stars, hoping they would return an answer;

"Perhaps love is like the ocean,  
Full of conflict, full of pain,  
Like a fire when it's cold outside,  
Or thunder when it rains."

And they answered him. In the moon, the silhouette, so dark he couldn't see, amidst all his new and old friends, glowed bright for a second, and the answer became clear to him. _When it comes to love, just jump in._ And this is exactly what she had done, for him to shoot her down.

Guilt-ridden, and with the moon glowing ever brighter behind him, he stepped towards the bent figure of Rukia Kuchiki, knelt down beside her, noted the tears that he hated, and wiped them away. She looked into his eyes. He looked into hers. He repeated those same words she had said to him earlier;

"If I should live forever,  
And all my dreams come true,  
My memories of love will be... of you."

"Rukia, I love you!"

He helped her up, and walked her over to the window, where they stood, side by side. They both decided to place their hands on the window sill at the same time. Their hands touched, flinched, became more used to the fact that they were being more open with one another, and let them intertwine. She rested her head on his shoulder. He stroked her hair. She spun him to face her...

The moon moved behind a midnight cloud, as if to give them privacy.

The moon reappeared a moment later, and Ichigos eyes hadn't left Rukias', and he found hers hadn't moved either, although they were much closer.

A moment later, he placed a soft kiss upon her lips.

A moment later, she responded with a less chaste kiss.

A moment later, she found herself embracing him in a strong hug, that would last another hour before they finished taking about 'what next'.

Perhaps their relationship wouldn't last a year. Perhaps not even a week. Perhaps their relationship broke apart after that magical night.

Their love would last a lot longer.

_Love is __forever_.


End file.
